


Of Soft Looks and Misunderstandings

by dyodorant



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 11:42:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11759121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyodorant/pseuds/dyodorant
Summary: Kyungsoo likes Jongin, but all Jongin sees is sharp glares and cold behavior.





	1. complete

**Author's Note:**

> Please Don't Copy or Post Anywhere  
> -ask before translating-

Will be posted soon, please follow the story and anticipate it soon!

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	2. 1/1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't copy or repost anywhere!

Kyungsoo holds on to his friend’s waist and stands on his toes to peek over his shoulder. He smiles brightly, a soft blush dusting over his cheeks when his eyes spot Jongin. The boy with warm cocoa eyes and dark hair, beautiful bronze skin, and the cutest smile. Kyungsoo has been crushing on him since middle school, and he practically died on the spot the first day of high school when he saw that they were in most of the same classes. He’s only ever talked to the handsome boy a few times, but each time his heart threatens to jump out of his chest. 

Over the years, Kyungsoo has noticed a pattern, a pattern he's afraid of continuing. Every time he talks to Jongin, anytime he’s even interacted with him, it goes horribly wrong. He scares the younger boy, badly. His words come out brash and harsh, he creates his own misunderstandings, and he's overheard the boy talking with his friends. He glares at Jongin. The way Jongin sees it, Kyungsoo is rude and arrogant, he shrinks away from Kyungsoo’s gaze when their eyes meet. He flushes a dark pink when Kyungsoo says something, and Kyungsoo has noticed that Jongin avoids him. When he walks into a room, Jongin dashes out the other door.

It frustrates Kyungsoo to no end. He's awkward, he gets frustrated with himself because his words come out fast and sharp and his glares are simply due to bad eyesight. He's complained to his friends, but all they do is laugh and tease him. The one time Chanyeol helped him, Jongin ended up covered in rice and milk. He was fuming with anger, embarrassment hiding under the surface. Kyungsoo didn’t know what to do. That was the first of many times he’s run away and cried in the bathroom, but that was the first day he’d cried so hard.

Now in his third year of high school, Kyungsoo hasn’t changed. He admires Jongin from afar, tries not to stare too long or to get noticed but as fate would be against him. He always makes eye contact with the other boy, resulting with him ducking his head and blushing down to his feet, but what Jongin sees is far from the truth.

Chanyeol’s deep laugh pulls Kyungsoo from his concentration, he looks over and notices that Junmyeon and Sehun joined them at some point. 

“What are you two laughing about?” he asks detaching from Chanyeol and standing straight. Junmyeon looks at him and shakes his head lightly, Sehun smirks and answers his question. 

“Just about the fact that you’re still obsessing over your crush but he just thinks you’re a dick.” The words strike Kyungsoo like a whip on his back. He visibly flinches and his brow wrinkles. Chanyeol’s eyes widen and his mouth falls open, he looks between the two before letting out a wheezy breath.

“Sehun, don’t say things like that to him, you know how sensitive this topic is.” He says, he wraps an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders and pulls him close.  
“Besides, Jongin doesn’t think he’s a dick, he just doesn’t know him and they got off on a bad note.” he says, nodding lightly. Sehun chuckles and rolls his eyes.

“A note that’s lasted for five years? Nice try. He thinks he’s a dick and unless Kyungsoo can grow a pair of balls, it’s gonna stay that way.” He says. Kyungsoo’s eye twitches and he punches Sehun’s arm, hard.

“Would you stop saying shit like that? Like you could do better? You get your lacy panties in a bunch anytime Baekhyun even smiles at you, you’ve got no room to talk maknae.” He says. He bites his lip and sneaks a glance in Jongin’s direction just to see that he and his friends are looking in their direction. His eyes widen and cheeks darken. He ducks his head and his hands fidget with his shirt. He knows how the boys must have just seen this display, Kyungsoo scowling and punching the younger boy in front of him. He knows how everything he does could be taken wrong, a new talent he’s developed in the last few years. Tears spring to his eyes and he shakes his head.

“At least you’ve got a little bit of a chance though, you’re just a little shy, Sehun.” He mumbles. Sehun awkwardly looks at Chanyeol, unsure of what to say. The tall boy just shrugged and looked at Kyungsoo, a deep sense of guilt and sadness pricks at his heart. Kyungsoo releases a small chuckle and straightens his back, rounding his shoulders.  
“It’s like you said, to him I’m just a dick who glares a lot.” He says before turning around and storming off. Completely unaware of the gaze that follows him.

~~~

After class, Kyungsoo sits at his desk and holds his forehand in his hands, rolling it back and forth. He sits there and contemplates what’s wrong with him, everything he does gets misunderstood, it doesn’t matter how he tries to fix things, it only gets worse. Even his friends grew from sympathetic to tired after a while. Kyungsoo doesn’t really blame Sehun for how blunt he is, he’s just speaking the truth, but as they always say, the truth hurts. Boy does it hurt.

“Kyungsoo, are you alright?” A voice asks from behind him. He lifts his head a little and turns, shocked to see Baekhyun standing there. Baekhyun has always been nice enough, not really bothered by the boy’s sharp looks and strange behavior. He treats him as if he would a friend, even if they don’t really talk.  
“You looked a little… upset, earlier.” Kyungsoo smiles softly, a small nods ruffles his already messy hair. 

“I’m okay Baekhyun.” He mumbles and plays with his fingers in his lap, fidgeting, a nervous habit. He startles and looks up when he feels a warm hand softly grip his shoulder. 

“Kyungsoo, you can talk to me, I know you’re upset. You don’t have to hide your feelings from me.” He says softly. He takes the vacated seat next to Kyungsoo’s and leans forward.  
“You like Jongin, right?” He asks, not even hesitating with this question. Kyungsoo’s eyes practically pop out of his head, his whole body runs cold. Of all the people to notice, it’s Jongin’s best friend? He starts to grab his backpack so that he can rush out of there but Baekhyun grabs his hand to stop him. 

“Don’t freak out Kyungsoo, I don’t think anyone else has noticed, Jongin included. I just tend to have a keen eye for this sort of thing.” He pauses, his mouth clamped shut as if he’s keeping something from slipping out.  
“Do you.. realise it looks you glare at him all the time?” He asks. Kyungsoo blushes even harder and his shoulders deflate as he slumps in his chair. 

“I don’t glare at him, I have astigmatism, so it looks like I’m glaring, but I really just can’t see.” He mutters. Baekhyun tips his head, a pout on his face.  
“My glares have been causing me problems for a very long time, but nothing has been quite so painful. Even when I try to talk with him! My heart starts to race and I start shaking and it’s like I forget how to talk to people and I just.. Break. I say sharp things, but I just don’t know how else to say it, and my tone is harsh because I get frustrated, but nobody knows that because those things scare them away.” He vents, a soft sigh following. Kyungsoo shakes his head again.

“But it's not like any of this matters anyway, he can't even stand being in the same room as me. I should just get over this silly crush before it gets any worse.” He grabs his backpack while standing, throwing it over his shoulder he takes a step but stop when Baekhyun lightly grabs his wrist. 

“I think you should talk to him. If it's as bad as you say, then you should just tell him.” He says, a small frown falling onto Kyungsoo's lips.  
“Jongin.. he's more forgiving and kind than anyone else I know, he just needs to get to know you. Don't put the nail in your coffin before even giving him a chance.” He says, his voice low and gaze warm. Kyungsoo shakes his head and pulls his wrist from the other’s hand.

“What point is there? Even if he talks to me, even if he sees that I'm not all glares and a sharp tongue. He won't like me the same way I like him. It'll just be harder because then I'll be friends with someone I can never have. Thank you Baekhyun, but I think can handle this by myself.” He says before turning and leaving the room. He leaves a frown on Baekhyun’s face and a sense of guilt blooming in his heart. 

~~~

Jongin and his friends, Baekhyun and Yixing, sit at one of the tables outside of the school. The bell hasn't rang yet so most of the students are outside waiting, some in their cars, others in the grass. Yixing is excitedly talking about a new recipe book he just bought, he's been excited about getting new ones to try since he started taking a home ec class that focuses on cooking as their main subject. Baekhyun is listening intently, his mouth watering as he listens to all the delicious recipes being read off. Jongin, however, has his eyes set on a short, wide eyed boy across the courtyard. 

He watches the boy’s eyebrows furrow as he says something to his tall friend, Chanyeol. He receives a slap to the arm and a blinding smile. Kyungsoo grabs his arm and looks up at his friend, he glares aggressively and says something with bite. Chanyeol visibly flinches and takes a step back. Jongin’s lips thin and he looks away. He shakes his head as he thinks that it's a shame Kyungsoo is so rough, for he's seen the boy with a wide grin, heart lips and all. He can't help but feel the boy is beautiful when he smiles, but being on the receiving end of those glares confuses and rattles his thoughts. He shakes his head and looks down at his hands. 

“I don't know anymore.” He mutters, drawing Yixing's attention away from his books. 

“You don't know what?” He asks, tipping his head to the side. Jongin huffs and looks at the table top.

How can someone be so… rude, but look like that when they smile? It's like there are two people sharing one body. I just don't know.” He shakes his head and ruffles his hair. A small smile makes its way to Yixing's lips. 

“Do you by chance have a crush on him?” He asks leaning forward. Instantly, Jongin wrinkles his eyes brows and scoffs loudly. 

“Me?! Where did you come up with that conclusion?” He asks, making Yixing laugh.

“From you, apparently.” Jongin's eyes bulge out of his head.

“That’s ridiculous Yixing! Stop spouting nonsense.” 

“Ridiculous? The way you look at him sometimes, I wonder how he doesn’t burst into flames.” He giggles, Jongin’s cheeks heat up, a bright red blush decorating his skin. Baekhyun laughs loudly and points at Jongin.

“Oh my God! I wish you could see your face right now!” He exclaims. Jongin’s mouth falls open as he looks between the two laughing boys. He shakes his head, how do they even come up with ideas like this? It’s ridiculous to even humor the idea of him liking Kyungsoo. He remembers the day they met clearly, the boy wouldn’t stop glaring at him as he talked with Chanyeol. 

He can’t even try to forget the time Kyungsoo came up to their lunch table and asked to sit down, just to dump his food on Jongin for being refused. Just the idea of it makes Jongin’s stomach twist. Despite that though, he can’t help but admit there’s a strange feeling inside of him when he catches a glimpse of the boy’s smile, but even Jongin can’t explain what that is.

“You guys are mean, and don’t laugh at me, Baek!” He slouches his shoulders and grabs his backpack before standing and stomping off, a pout on his lips. Baekhyun wipes a tear from his cheek and shakes his head.

“How can he not see it? It’s so damn obvious! He does have some disgust or distaste with Kyungsoo, but the way he looks at that boy sometimes, makes me wonder if he’s just playing or if he’s actually that dense towards his own feelings.” He says. Yixing nods along and hums softly. Baekhyun stops for a moment and turns to look Yixing head on.

“Shall we meddle a little bit?” A mischievous smile marks his face and he wiggles his eyebrows.

~~~

Kyungsoo’s eyelids flutter, his head falling forward just to be yanked up again. This movement continues for several minutes before the bell rings. He sighs and sits with his eyes closed and head resting lazily on the back of his seat. Chanyeol pokes him in the side, disappointedly pouting when he doesn’t get a reaction. Kyungsoo releases another sigh, opening his eyes lazily.

“Home?” Is all he says and Chanyeol nods in response, a soft smile on his face. He grabs Kyungsoo’s backpack for him and starts walking by the door. He stops and waits as Kyungsoo stands and slides his chair in, his hair is ruffled and messy, large eyes droopy. His muscles are heavy as he walks towards the door.

“Are you ok, Kyungsoo? You look more tired than usual.” Junmyeon asks when he joins the two.  
“Like, a lot more. Did something happen?” His brows wrinkle and lips fall into a worried frown.

“I’m fine, Junma, just tired is all. I stayed up late and binged a whole show last night. Nothing a little sleep can’t cure.” He lies, he knows he can depend on his friends when he needs to, but he feels like anymore and they both will be probably tired of him going on and on about Jongin. The boy has been on Kyungsoo’s mind lately, a lot more than he usually is. 

Kyungsoo can’t figure it out, but he lost sleep last night because of the boy, and he’s not entirely sure what to do about it. Junmyeon and Chanyeol both share a look before walking on either side of him, Junmyeon links his arm with the tired boy and smiles warmly. 

“How ‘bout we get some food? I’m sure a full stomach will perk you up!” He suggests, Kyungsoo pauses and then hums, he did skip lunch today. His blood sugar is probably low, it will, as Junmyeon says, perk him up.

“I want ramen.” He says, nodding to them and himself. He smiles at Junmyeon’s happy face, his mochi cheeks perking up as he smiles brightly.

“I know the perfect place then!” Junmyeon cheers, pulling Kyungsoo to walk faster. Chanyeol starts rambling about his favorite ramen bowl, the boy’s energy infecting Kyungsoo a bit.

~~~

After they get to the ramen shop, Sehun is already waiting at a table. They finish ordering, putting their menus down. The four of them chit chat about the usual things, Sehun saw a cute boy in class and Chanyeol whines that no boy is cuter than he, in which he gets a smack by Sehun for. Kyungsoo sips on his water and looks around. 

He notes the older couple in the back, their smiling faces and the intimate bubble surrounding them. A smile makes its way to his lips, his cheeks dust with a soft pink and he looks away, feeling as though he’s intruding on something sacred. He could practically imagine himself in the same scenario as them, only with Jongin sitting across from him. The thought of Jongin makes him happy, but a part of him feels sad too, a feeling he just couldn’t shake. 

“This place looks pretty ordinary, Junmyeon. Are you sure this place is better than our usual restaurant?” He asks as he puts his cup down on the table. Junmyeon looks at Chanyeol while answering him.

“Yeah, this place is really something, I came here with my parents once.” He hesitates but Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to notice, Junmyeon’s eyes flick between the two boys before focusing back on Kyungsoo.  
“You’ll love it here after today.” He answers confidently. Kyungsoo nods, accepting Junmyeon’s answer, he notices that the two continue to share looks as if they’re communicating with their eyes.

“What’s with you two, are you playing footsie?” He teases and looks under the table playfully. Chanyeol laughs and Junmyeon softly glares. He slaps Chanyeol’s arm from across the table and rolls his eyes.

“That’s ridiculous Kyungsoo, like Junmyeon would wanna date him.” Sehun says, a teasing hint to his tone. Chanyeol’s eyebrows knit together and his mouth falls open. 

“What the hell’s wrong with dating me?” He asks, his voice loud, drawing attention to their small group. Kyungsoo scoffs, his head lolling to the side. 

“Where should we start?” He asks, Chanyeol squeaks lightly, looking over at the boy. He pushes Kyungsoo’s arm and scoots away, folding his arms. 

“I’ll have you know that anyone would be lucky to have me.” He mumbles. Kyungsoo smirks and takes another taste of his drink. He looks over at the entrance when he hears the bell above the door ringing to announce a new visitor. He can see them from their knees down as they remove their shoes. He takes a large sip but starts sputtering as they step forward and bow to the owner. Water spills from his mouth on the front of his shirt and he coughs painfully loud, drawing the attention of the new comers and his friends.

“Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol exclaims, he smacks Kyungsoo’s back, a worried look on his face. Junmyeon is leaning forward, taking Kyungsoo’s glass of water from his grasp before he can dump even more down the front of himself. 

Sehun is snickering beside Chanyeol as the elf turns to ask Junmyeon he should do. He freezes when his eyes meet Jongin’s and Baekhyun’s. He nods his head, motioning for Junmyeon to turn and see. When he does, he bites his lip trying to hide his smile as hands Kyungsoo back his drink.

“He scared you half to death, Kyungsoo! He wouldn’t have seen you if you hadn’t decided to choke!” Sehun laughs but coughs when Kyungsoo reaches over Chanyeol and smacks his head. Kyungsoo’s cheeks turn bright red, he feels as if he could practically light on fire when Junmyeon hollers to them and invites them to sit at their table. He ducks and tries to sneak away but Chanyeol grabs the back of his shirt to stop him. 

“You can’t leave! That’s not part of the plan!” He says. Kyungsoo’s head whips around, he looks between the boys with confusion. His eyebrows knit together before he realises what’s going on. His eyes widen two times their size. He starts to panic when Baekhyun makes Jongin sit on the opposite side of the table, directly in front of Kyungsoo as he takes a seat next to Junmyeon, across from Sehun. 

Kyungsoo peaks at Jongin, his eyes widening further when he sees that Jongin is already looking at him. He ducks his head, cheeks flaming red. He fidgets with his fingers under the table, not looking up even when Junmyeon asks him a question. He mumbles something, nobody probably heard him but Junmyeon continues on anyway before someone can ask him to repeat himself. As their food comes to their table, Kyungsoo excuses himself to the restroom. 

The door slams closed behind him, startling him slightly. He runs his hands under cold water, he splashes his face once or twice. He looks up into the mirror and jumps at least two feet into the air. Jongin is standing there, his arms crossed and a stern look on his face. Kyungsoo averts his eyes and switches the water off. He reaches for a paper towel but freezes when Jongin starts talking. 

“Look, I’m just gonna be straight forward here. I don’t want to play any games, so just answer me.” He says, moving forward and standing next to Kyungsoo, facing him and leaning his hip on the counter.  
“Do you have a problem with me? You’re seriously always glaring at me, every time I see you at school you’re already looking at me. Most days I can feel your eyes on me, but today you won’t even spare me look. You act as if you hate me, you can’t even meet my eyes right now!” He says, Kyungsoo’s eyes are on the ground, his hands are still dripping.

His eyes start to water and he bites his lip. He doesn’t even know what he’s supposed to say right now, he knows what Jongin thinks of him, how he feels whenever Kyungsoo looks at him. He knows, so how is he even supposed to fix any of this. This isn’t how tonight was supposed to be, he was supposed to go out with friends to feel better and forget about Jongin, not be trapped with the boy in the bathroom.

“I don’t hate you, Jongin.” He shakes his head softly, he’s too scared to look up at the boy. 

“I don’t even glare at you, I have astigmatism, so I can’t really see.” He mumbles. He plays with his shirt, the water soaking through and sticking to his skin. Water drips in the sink, the sound echoing in the bathroom, making the silence even more uncomfortable. Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to do, if he should say something or not. 

“I know I come off in a bad way, but I don’t have any ill feelings toward you.” Jongin huffs out a breath, he moves out of Kyungsoo’s field of vision, his footsteps echoing on the bathroom tile.

“What kind of bullshit is this?” Jongin asks, he’s got a hand tangled in his hair and an indistinguishable look on his face. He looks at Kyungsoo but doesn’t say or do anything, a strange look in his eye.  
“All this time I’ve thought you hate me, and you just have astigmatism?” He chuckles.  
“Why wouldn’t you say anything to me? I could have apologized for always yelling at you and ignoring you, Kyungsoo!” The smaller boy’s eyes widen, he doesn’t know what to say to him, his mouth doesn’t obey him as it remains closed. 

“And these weird feelings I’ve been having when I look at you...” He shakes his head. He feels something akin to guilt as confusion swirls in his brain. A strange feeling bubbles up inside of him as he stands there looking at the smaller boy. 

 

“You should have told me, Kyungsoo.” He repeats softly, he walks out of the bathroom, the large door slamming behind him once again. Kyungsoo stares at the door. He bites his lip and hesitantly walks out of the bathroom, taking small, timid steps. He approaches their table, everyone is laughing and having a good time, Jongin though is just sitting there quietly, his arms crossed and a dazed look in his eye. Kyungsoo timidly sits back down on his seat, his eyes never leaving Jongin. Chanyeol doesn’t receive a response when he asks what happened to Kyungsoo’s shirt, pointing at the large wet spot.

“Kyungsoo?” When he still doesn’t answer Chanyeol, he kicks Junmyeon’s leg under the table and gives a questioning look. Everyone notices the tension and the chatter from before dies down. They look between the two boys. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t look away and Jongin just stares at the table, Kyungsoo licks his lips and looks around, eyebrows drawing together when he meets everyone’s eyes. He clenches his teeth and looks away. A feeling of annoyance and fatigue filling him to the brim. He looks back at Jongin before speaking, his face becoming warm. 

“Jongin can I speak to you alone?” he asks, his stomach turns into knots when Jongin looks up, an indescribable look in his eyes. He leans back in his chair, his lips are press into a thin line. They hold each other’s gaze for a few moments before Jongin breaks it and looks away, his jaw clenching.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” He says, his voice strained. Kyungsoo’s shoulders drop and he looks at his friends, he feels embarrassed and frustrated, so unlike himself. He doesn’t feel so timid in this moment, he’s just tired of feeling like he can’t even help or stand up for himself. Like no matter what he does people will misunderstand him. A soft please leaves his lips, which is met with a gaze that stops his heart. Jongin doesn’t respond, a part of Kyungsoo snaps. 

The heavy gazes and the heat on his cheeks intensify, he sighs to himself and stands up from his chair. He walks to Jongin’s side and grabs his arm. The sudden, unexpected action from Kyungsoo surprises him. He practically falls from his chair when Kyungsoo tugs on him and drags him away, leaving everyone behind and shocked. 

Jongin doesn’t struggle to keep up with Kyungsoo, but he can’t loosen the shorter boy’s grip. He tugs on his arm only to be tugged back, he huffs and puffs but Kyungsoo doesn’t let go. Jongin barely gets his shoes slipped on before Kyungsoo pulls them out into the warm summer air. He drags them both between to building into a dark alley. He stops and whips around to face Jongin, a nervous but stern look on his face. Kyungsoo gulps, scared because he didn’t think he’d get this far. He avoids Jongin’s eyes, his hands balling into fists.

“What do you want?” Jongin asks, a mix of confusion, annoyance, and intrigue in his voice. Kyungsoo debates whether he should say what he wants to say, or if he should take off and run to a different country. In all honesty, though, he’s tired and he just wants some answers, wants to get these things off his chest.

“You practically cornered me in there, scolded me and yourself, ignored me and you want to know what I want? I’ll tell you what I want Jongin. I want you to stop sending me judgmental looks at school just because you think I’m a cold, arrogant asshole. I want us to talk once without completely messing it up. I want you to get to know me, I want you to be kind and sweet, I want to be your friend. I don’t want to go to bed every night and wish I was a different person just so that you’ll like me and feel towards me the same things I feel for you. I want to stop hating myself just because I get flustered around you and screw shit up.” He pauses, his heart pounds and his breath is shaky. There’s a whole storm brewing in his mind, but what he says next clears all the clouds away. 

“I want to be with you, not as friends, but as boyfriends. I like you Jongin, and that’s why I look at you all the time. I may not be able to see very well, but just the blur of you, the blur of your smile makes me so happy and feel so warm. It makes me have a smile of my own even on a rough day. I can’t go one day without wondering how you’re doing or if you’ve eaten. For years now, I’ve wanted nothing more than for you to look at me with just a fraction of the love I feel for you. I don’t want you seeing me as some guy who’s mean all the time.” He finishes, he’s out of breath and all his energy practically evaporated out of his body. 

His hands are shaking and he bites his lip, a ball of nerves twists and pulls in his stomach, replacing his earlier butterflies. His eyes sting with a familiar burn and a knot forms in his throat, he tries to swallow but a wave of feelings come flooding up and he doesn’t know how to handle it. 

Jongin stands there just looking at him, nothing but a blank look in his eyes. He doesn’t know what to say about all of this, doesn’t know how to absorb all the information. A small noise leaves the back of his throat and he just shakes his head. He doesn’t know what to say or do, so he does the only thing he could think of. Run. 

He ran for as long and as fast his legs could carry him, he didn’t stop and didn’t look back. He ran all the way home and once he got inside he slammed the door behind him and sprinted for his room. He stopped and leaned against the door, out of breath and energy spent. 

He pants and pants but can’t catch his breath no matter how long he stands there. Sweat drips from his forehead and sticks his shirt to his back. He leans his hand against his door and slides down to sit on the ground, resting a hand one of his knees. Kyungsoo’s words circle and replay in his head, over and over. He hears every quiver, every shaky breath. Every unsure and insecure tone in Kyungsoo’s voice, but he also hears Kyungsoo’s strong feelings, his firm declarations of his feelings. 

Everything Kyungsoo said to him replays in his head. He bangs his head on the door, why, why did he run? Why didn’t he say anything? He mentally berates himself, he covers his eyes as they begin to burn. He isn’t sure if he’s crying or he’s just spent, but it’s irritating him even more and he can’t handle it. Anger bubbles up, ready to explode, at this point he isn’t even sure what he’s angry at, but a safe bet would be that he’s angry at himself. 

~~~

Kyungsoo looks up, his eyes widen to twice their size and his breath leaves his body. Jongin takes a step back, followed by another before he turns and runs off. Kyungsoo exits the alley, following Jongin for a few feet. He yells at him but the boy doesn’t stop, doesn’t even spare him a glance back and Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to think. He watches the boy’s silhouette disappear into the night, he couldn’t have caught up with Jongin even he had tried. His eyes burn, tears slipping down his cheeks. The lump in his throat grows increasingly painful.

A small sob slips out of his mouth, every fear, every bad scenario he’s ever imagined came true in just one, single moment, but nothing could have prepared him for the pain he feels blooming in his chest. Seeing the look on Jongin’s face, watching him run away, not getting a single response. It’s all too much, he breaks down in a gut wrenching sobs, his knees giving out from beneath him. He falls to the ground, on his hands and knees, tears falling and falling, decorating the ground with wet dots. His breath is quick and shallow, sometimes he can’t even get another breath in before more sobs flow from his lips. 

He doesn’t even register the warm hands on his shoulders, the deep warm voice of Chanyeol and the worried face of Junmyeon and the angry face of Sehun. Everything’s a blur, he doesn’t even notice when Chanyeol scoops him up into his arms and carries him to Junmyeon’s car. Doesn’t remember the ride home or the others sending him off as he stumbles into his house and to his room. He doesn’t even remember falling into bed and passing out. All he can remember is the look on Jongin’s face when he ran away and the pain he left with him. 

~~~ 

Kyungsoo doesn’t go to school for three days, he locked his door so that his parents wouldn’t come in and try to talk to him. He doesn’t feel like talking, doesn’t feel like eating, he honestly doesn’t feel much other than fatigue. He gets out of bed just long enough to use the bathroom and maybe a glass of water. His friends to his parents when they worriedly called them over. Essentially, Kyungsoo is in zombie mode and he’s not even sure what can fix that.

After another school day and the weekend, his friends decide for him that it’s best he gets out of the house. They try knocking, try threats, which Sehun got scolded for, and as their last resort, Chanyeol picked the lock on his door. They crack the door and peek their heads in, but Sehun takes it upon himself to barge in, plopping down on Kyungsoo’s bed, hands firmly planted on the boy’s ass. 

“Kyungsoo, come on! It’s time to get out of bed and back to school. I’m tired of teasing these morons. They don’t react as good as you. It’s boring, so you have to get up and spare me.” He says. He wiggles the boy back and forth, shaking him and poking his sides. He doesn’t receive more than a tired groan and a half hearted “don’t wanna”. Sehun looks back at the other two and they just shrug, not knowing what to say or what to do. Sehun rolls his eyes and focuses on the depressed creature. 

“Kyungsoo, get your ass out of bed. You need to quit moping. So things didn’t turn out between you, just get over it. It’s his loss and he’s a dick head for thinking he’s good enough to reject someone like you. You don’t need him to be happy Kyungsoo.” He says, patting the boy. Chanyeol looks at Junmyeon like he’s seen an alien, to which he receives the same look, neither of them expected Sehun to be this way.

“Are you sure that’s Sehun?” He whispered and Junmyeon just shrugs his shoulders, staring at the two on the bed. There’re a few moments of silence before Kyungsoo and his messy hair peeks out from under the blanket, his face is tear stained and his eyes are red and swollen. 

He looks like he’s been through hell and back, but the others don’t say a word. Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to say, but he doesn’t have to say anything. Sehun pulls him up and wraps him in a hug, to which, Kyungsoo buries his head in Sehun’s chest. The other two, feeling useless, walk over and join them. Junmyeon runs his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair and Chanyeol just awkwardly stands there. Sehun whispers to Kyungsoo, quiet enough Junmyeon and Chanyeol can’t hear, but loud enough Kyungsoo hears his warm words.  
~

Once dragged to the shower, washed and dressed, they all piled into Junmyeon’s tiny car and drove to school. Kyungsoo doesn’t say much but the other three are as chatty as ever, if not more so to make up for the quiet boy. Kyungsoo feels bad that they practically have to babysit him, but he’s grateful to them as well. They all file in and walk to their lockers, Kyungsoo’s being the only one away from the rest. He lazily dials the code and swings it open, grabs his books just to stuff them into his bag. He closes his locker with a loud bang and turns towards his classroom. 

He feels as if someone dumped a bucket of ice water over him, just at the end of the hall is Jongin, looking fine and handsome as ever. He hasn’t noticed Kyungsoo so the boy quickly ducks his head and weaves in and out of the crowd, making his way to the others. He latches onto Sehun’s shirt with shaky hands. 

He looks up and behind them to see Jongin. Sehun instinctively brings an arm up around Kyungsoo’s waist, turning and pulling him toward their shared class. Kyungsoo can feel every fiber of his body being used to not turn and look at the warm eyed boy. His vision grows a little shaky, in response, he grips Sehun’s shirt tighter in his hands. 

They get to class and slide into their seats, Sehun decides to sit next to Kyungsoo instead of his usual seat. He glares at anyone who says anything to him, making them scamper off. Kyungsoo is grateful for Sehun protecting him but he also feels guilty, if he could just suck it up and stop being a baby, none of them would have to go through this. Sehun keeps reassuring him, but the thought continues to float around in his brain.

The teacher comes in and starts her lesson, but Kyungsoo doesn’t hear a single word of it. He shakes his head to try and focus as he zones in and out, stuck between his racing thoughts and staring blankly at his desk. He shifts and adjusts his posture near constantly, he can’t get comfortable. His thoughts are stuck on Jongin, what will happen from here, what will happen if they see each other, is Jongin thinking of everything as well. They circle around and prod at him, never stopping, never easing off of him. 

His stomach is fluttering, his heart pounds in his chest and his palms are sweaty. Even if he wipes them on his jeans, his palms become moist shortly after. Sucking in a breath, he stands from his seat, backpack in tow. He doesn't listen to the calls of his teacher and doesn't stop to look back at his friend when he hears his voice. He just goes. 

He walks right out the door, feet never stopping till he right outside of Jongin's classroom. His heart is pounding in his chest, an uncomfortable, warm sensation blooming across his body. He’s shaken to his core, but it doesn’t stop him from turning the knob and pushing the door open.

The teacher stops talking when he sees Kyungsoo standing there, a confused and slightly annoyed look crossing his face. He asks why Kyungsoo is there, the boy barely noticing when his eyes wander, stopping when he finds a familiar, warm cocoa looking back at him. 

“Mrs. Lee asked me to find Jongin for her, she needs to speak with him about something.” He says, his voice is unsure and any idiot would know he’s lying. Despite Kyungsoo’s horrible lie, he can feel the uneasiness in Kyungsoo. He allows him to whisk Jongin away, making the boy promise that he’ll return before class is over. They walk into the hallway, the door softly closing behind them. Jongin looks over at Kyungsoo and bites his lip. 

“She doesn’t need to talk with me, does she?” He asks softly, Kyungsoo stands there, eyes glued to the ground. He shakes his head, his hair falls over his forehead, hiding his eyes from sight. His fingers play with the hem of his shirt, wrinkling it and loosening the thread there. Jongin looks at him for a few seconds, he rubs the back of his neck and sighs.  
“Well, obviously you had something to say.” He mumbles, Kyungsoo glances up at him through his bangs, a weird feeling playing with his heart. Jongin looks tired, as if he hadn’t slept. He looks just as uneasy as Kyungsoo does.

“I don’t know anymore, Jongin.” he whispers. He’s so confused, he’s hurt and he honestly doesn’t know why his feet carried him here.  
“I’m just tired. I don’t understand.” Kyungsoo’s eyebrows draw together, he puffs out a breath. His licks his lips and takes a deep breath.

“I’m tired, confused and I don’t know what I’m even supposed to be doing. I used to be so sure of myself, so sure that watching you from afar was enough but now..” He pauses, he looks around, as if he’ll find the answer he wants even though there’s only one boy who can answer his question.  
“I have so many things going through my head but none of it is even making any sense. So I’ll just ask what I’ve been wondering this whole time.” He says, he forces himself to look Jongin in the eyes, he ignores the lump in his throat and sucks in a deep breath.  
“Do you like me? Can you ever like me in the same sense that I do you? Whatever you say I’ll accept it. Depending on what you answer, I’ll stop bothering you. I’ll let you go on with your life and I’ll go on with mine. Because no matter how hard this is for me, anything is better than these constant, painful and tiring games.” He says. Jongin looks away from him and kicks at the ground. He bites his lip and contemplates what Kyungsoo said.

The hallway is completely silent, save for their breathing and the occasional holler of a student locked away in a classroom. It takes at least a minute before either of them move or say a word. A part of Kyungsoo wilts with every second that passed by, a part of him that grows smaller and smaller out of fear. He prepares himself for the worst, but nothing could possibly prepare him for what Jongin does next.

Jongin releases a shaky breath and steps towards Kyungsoo, he stops as the toes of their shoe’s touch. His warm, oh so warm hands come up and cup Kyungsoo’s cheeks. His bends slightly, his face drawing close. He pauses just before their lips touch, his warm breath fluttering over Kyungsoo’s skin. Kyungsoo’s eyes are wide, his breathing coming to a stop. His heart is pounding and his cheeks flushed. He can’t believe what’s happening, what Jongin is doing right now. 

Jongin’s eyes flutter closed and he closes the last few centimeters between them. Their lips connect in a warm, gentle kiss. Jongin’s lips are softer than Kyungsoo ever thought they’d be. He remains frozen as Jongin continues kissing him, he doesn’t know what to do, he isn’t even sure if this is really happening or if it’s some daydream his brain concocted. 

As if Jongin is winding a spell around him, Kyungsoo starts to feel warm, soothed even. Kyungsoo’s eyes slide closed, his hand lifting to grab the side of Jongin’s shirt. He feels grounded like it’s not so unreal with his hands actually touching Jongin. Jongin pulls back and looks at Kyungsoo, his cheeks are a light shade of pink. 

“I like you Kyungsoo. I’m confused too, I’m so confused but I want this, I want you. The other night..” He pauses, he bites his lip and looks away from Kyungsoo.  
“The other night I was scared, I didn’t know what to do, you confessing to me like that, it put so many puzzle pieces together. It felt right, it made me feel ok, but it scared me too. It answered what I’d been asking myself and I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I’m so sorry.” He says, his eyes are watery as he looks up at Kyungsoo. His breaths are fast and shallow, his heart seemingly racing just as fast as Kyungsoo’s. 

Kyungsoo lets out a soft, breathy laugh. A few small tears run down his cheeks, a happy, almost shy smile forms on his lips. Before Jongin can say anything else, Kyungsoo grabs the neck of his t-shirt, his other hand on the Jongin’s neck. He pulls him down and reconnects their lips. Kyungsoo kisses him soft but desperate, tears mingling between their mouths and wetting their lips. Jongin wraps his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist and lifts him lightly. 

A soft giggle escapes Kyungsoo’s mouth, he wraps both arms around Jongin’s neck and hugs him tightly. He nuzzles into the nook of Jongin’s neck, his warm breath fanning over the exposed skin. They don’t know how long they stand there for, but when the bell rings and people file out of classrooms they don’t bother to part. They stay there, stuck in their small intimate bubble. Hearts at ease, and soft smiles on their lips. Kyungsoo peppers a few kisses on Jongin’s neck and cuddles closer. 

“I love you, Jongin.” He whispers. Jongin tightens his hold on the other and kisses the boy’s hair.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't copy or repost anywhere!


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